Each of us needs people who really see and know who we are to remind us of who we are in Christ, especially during the times when we seem to forget. Apart from a close community, we cannot expect lasting spiritual transformation. You know the saying, “It takes a village”? We are called to show up with our offering of presence for one another—that includes our grace, our gifts, and our talents.

God created our natural family to help powerfully shape our identity and attachment through the Four Amazing Rs of Relational, Grace-Based Attachment (from now on, these will be referred to as the Four Amazing Rs). Our families help each of us learn what it means to accomplish four vital tasks:

God designed our natural family to be the place where you and I learn to live in grace. Drawing on what we now know about grace helps each of us better understand His intention for grace in the context of our spiritual families too. For those who have received Jesus, family is a space where relationships remain bigger and more important than our problems. Here, grace can form bonds, attachments, and identity in the good ways that you and I need. Unfortunately, the family that raises us can also be a place where bad things happen. That being the case, you can count on it: the grace you and I experience through family interactions has been—and will be—formed and tested through good times and stormy, alike. Grace points to a profound relational need—a reciprocal one. Each of us is born with it. Naturally, that need is magnified in families.

It’s pretty easy to miss Jesus when we create Him in our own image. It’s even worse when we confuse our agenda with His!